A post by Mrs me...

Reflections on our Hajj

As the days pass by—it is now two weeks since we returned from our Hajj adventure—there is a sense of regret which overpowers me: one of our leaders' voice echoes in my head with ever greater frequency. “Come on, get up and get to the Masjid,” Batool told the ill amongst us, “Wallahi, you will regret the moments you missed praying in the Haram when you get back to your homes.” Yes she was absolutely right, I realise now; yes, I did miss some of my prayers, performing them in our hotel room instead of in the grand mosque when I got ill. I really regret that. On other occasions I got up and sauntered down despite the temperature that mostly confined me to my bed. When I had no energy to come back to the hotel for a rest, I sometimes stayed from Asr time until after Isha, taking with me my medicine, sandwich and empty bottle which I would soon fill with Zamzam to drink. That was when my husband got worried and queried about me from my friends, scared that something had happened to me in the overwhelming crowds. My friends forgot that I had said that I would not come back between the prayers and that I would be in the mosque. Imagine his relief when I returned from the Kaaba, oblivious to his concern.

Our fist destination was Medina. We had a wonderful time and did lots of things that we originally planned to do in one week in just two days. Thirteen of us flagged down a passing minibus and convinced the driver to take us to various holy sites. Those two days felt like a whole week and the weather was so pleasant. The blessed moment for me in Medina though was the little miracle that Saika, Nadiya, Julie, Joan and myself encountered in the Prophet's Mosque: with the help of the guards in the mosque we were able to get to the site where the Prophet (saw) is buried. This is the area when crushes happen as so many people wants to get there and pray two units of prayer. Its carpet is green not red like the rest of the mosque.

The guards told us that they noticed us within the sea of people of many nations because we appeared the most patient, listening to their instructions as we asked others to be patient and not to push each other. We sat down when they told us to sit and moved when they told us to move, so as a reward they took us along some path known only to them straight to our noble Prophet Muhammad's resting place (saw). We could not believe that it had happened. When we were doing our prayers there we could only cry. Here we were in the place that our Prophet said is a part of Jennah—Paradise. O Allah! Thank you for those moments as big as your name. Alhamdulillah that was a miracle for us.

The most exciting moments for me were when we first caught sight of the Kaaba on our arrival in Mecca. Leaving our main group behind, we had split into small groups to make our Umrah in the mosque as instructed to by our leaders Erica & Batool. Our friends Joan and Bayan accompanied my husband and I into the precinct of the mosque for our fist visit at about 10 o'clock in the evening after our late arrival from Medina. We prepared ourselves for our first ever tawaf—circumnavigation—of the first house ever built for the worship of One God. The instant of entering the mosque and seeing the Kaaba was such an emotional moment that we could not help but cry like a child who had lost his parent and found them there. We stood for about ten minutes just watching it. For me it was so Beautiful, so Peaceful and yet so Simple. We completed our seven tawaf and seven passes between Marwah and Safa by one o'clock in the morning. When we returned to Kaaba for the first fajr prayer we went to top floor as it was more crowded by then. If you watching people circumnavigating anti-clockwise around the kaaba for the first time you will feel dizzy watching them, as if the ground is moving underneath you. It was an amazing site and nothing like watching it on TV.

And then the Hajj began: we moved on to Mina then to Arafat, then to Muzdalifa and then back to Mina and our tents. On the first day we walked all the way from Mecca to Mina. By the end of our first 4 hours walking I got bad blisters and both of my feet got swollen. I could not walk with my group after that and travelled by bus instead, which made me very sad. So my advice to prospective Hajjis is listen to your leaders and invest in the best walking/hiking sandals before you go for Hajj. I joined the elderly and disabled people in the Dome Tours Group, who sheltered, looked after us and provided a bus for those who could not walk. They were wonderful people. When we got to Arafat I met my group again—they had walked from Mina to Arafat and had arrived there long before the buses. There we did not miss an opportunity to seek forgiveness from our Lord and to ask for His help, making our supplications from midday until after sunset. The evening on the plain of Arafat was beautiful with a wonderful view of the sunset as the sun fell peacefully between the two minarets of the mosque in Arafat to the accompaniment of congregation supplications. Everyone one was begging Allah the most merciful of the merciful, with tears running down their cheeks. May our Lord accept our supplications. Ameen!

In the night the cold of desert plain penetrates your bones; even more so in Muzdalifa as you sleep under the open sky. And you especially shiver if you forget to take your sleeping bags with you—as I did—and have no blankets either. Unfortunately you can loose your concentration in the mayhem of getting from one place to another and easily forget the most essentials items. Not only did I forget my sleeping bags, but I also left my husband's behind, having insisted that he unpack his from his bag before he left so he had less to carry—and he only had two pieces of ihram for the whole night and no blankets. I was so upset because he relied on me to carry the stuff as I was going to travel by bus and he was on foot with the rest of the group. We got separated again and I could not meet with them in Muzdalifa. I shivered the whole night from cold and to warm myself up started picking up little stones for the Jamarat at some point and started doing extra prayers.

Returning to Mina and the fist scary moment of going to stone our shaitans: it was at the Jamarat where the most accidents and death of many hajjis occurred in the past. We walked from Mina to the Jamarat and there you see the masses and masses of people coming from all directions after Arafat. Floods and oceans of people, and you easily loose the person who are walking with. On two occasions I could not help but being swept away from the hand of my husband. I quickly grabbed his hand again after a real struggle. Another occasion I missed Batool who was holding my hand and she was just swept away from me. I could not see her for long time. Fortunately our greater group leaders had big Orange flags on both side of our groups so we were reunited and directed to safety after completing our stoning Alhamdulillah! I still have the images of these masses of people coming over me in my dreams. I think if were not for our faith, people would need some sort of counselling after the Hajj. It is very powerful and you have got to be prepared for it psychologically as well as physically. To be on the ground is very different than to be told about it or to read something in a book.

After we had finished our hajj rites and had returned to Mecca, I had one or two unpleasant experiences inside the Grand Mosque. One evening my husband and I went to the roof for Maghrib and sat down to await the call to prayer. Shortly afterwards a self-appointed I-don't-know-what came up and rudely moved me from my prayer mat in an attempt to relegate me and some other women to the back. It was so upsetting, so I will not go into details. But I do want to know where they get their knowledge about hajj practices from, since as I understand it this is a place where there is no segregation. Indeed, women are not allowed to cover their face and hands on Hajj, but that was not case. Unfortunately the aggressive behaviour to move women out of the way happened to many others as well. May Allah guide us all to Prophet's way alone. Ameen!

By the time we reached the end, almost every body was ill. I was concerned that my chest infection would prevent me doing my goodbye Tawaf, but alhamdulillah, by the mercy of Allah our flights were delayed so we had time to do two more tawafs and were able to rest in the Hotel so we felt a little better. We completed our hajj at 00:00 midnight and left Mecca at 4am for Jeddah. We arrived in the UK at 8am on Friday 12 January 07 very tired, ill and confused. We even forgot to say goodbye to some of our friends and leaders. The next moment we were concious and remember things was 3.30pm on Sunday 14 Jan 07. Our generous friends from London came and fed us, did our shopping and returned our car from wherever we left it before we went to Hajj. And our good neighbours, Dorothy and Alan who are members of the local Free Church went to the chemist to get medicine for us. May God reward them in the best way. All the people were a real mercy for us on our return. And thank you to Batool and Erica for helping us, guiding us and giving courage throughout our once-in-a-life-time journey. May God (swt) give you the best in this life and the best place in the hereafter. Ameen!

If I wanted to describe the whole experience with its challenge and demands—physical, emotional and spiritual—I would say three words. Extraordinary, Amazing & Challenging.

WS. Zeynep Bowes